Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Nevereverland

Once upon a time, in a land not-that-far-away, lived a king that wanted to be in awe every single second of his life. One day he ordered, "Bring the clowns."

In an instant, the clowns--which were always on call and ready to go--showed up and performed the routine they've always performed and had been performing for the last twenty years (people say the oldest one was reaching 50). Their faces, covered in makeup, showed uninspired smiles and grins. Everybody could tell their misery.

Rufus, the king's advisor, stood up and clapped like if his life depended on it. He shouted, "I have never, ever, never never, seen an act as amazing like that in the history of the our kingdom." He took a big breath and added, "I thank you for being unique and funny."

These words brought a smile and a sense of awe to the king. He stood up and with a big smile said, "Thank you, you've brought happiness to my life." The king clapped once and the clowns disappeared as fast as they appeared.

Less than an hour later, the King yawned and said, "I need music." This time it only took one minute to move a concert piano in front of the king; a short and skinny guy followed and sat in front of the piano.

People quieted down but a fly interrupted the silence. The king shook his right hand and frowned. Behind the curtain, a belly dancer appeared with a fly swat and danced at the rhythm of the piano as the player played a fast paced song. The insect--the flying one, not the one playing the piano--glided in the air, making its characteristic and irritating sound. With a quick move the dancer target the fly and smashed it against a wall. She bowed in front of the king and showed him the fly swat with fresh blood from the victim.

The king shed a tear and said, "It's--it's--it's beautiful, almost poetic."

Rufus added, "I--I, in my whole life, never, ever, never never, seen a fly being killed in such a sweet and poetic way. Words get in the way, it's impossible to describe." And then clapped; the crowd followed. A standing ovation with people cheering.

The insect--the one playing the piano--stood up and bowed. People called him that way because he was short, skinny and, like Rufus used to say, nobody never, ever, never never, liked this dude. This time absolute silence inundated the palace. He walked away and vanished behind the curtains.

The king, once again, yawned and scratched his head, dandruff flakes fell down and floated in the air.

Rufus interrupted the silence. "Can you believe this?" He pointed at the falling flakes. "It's the middle of the summer and the king has brought us winter." Then he clapped and added, "I have never, ever, never never, seen something like this. Our king, as generous as he is, has brought us winter on summer." He raised his arms and shouted, "Take the sleds out. Let the kids have winter fun."

People ran and crashed with each other.

A minute later, the king yawned and stretched, the level of awesomeness had evaporated. He grabbed his sword, walked up to Rufus, and said, "I have never, ever, never never, liked you. You are as real as a flying elephant." Then he buried the sword in Rufu's chest and he dropped to the floor. The king stared at him, until Rufus stopped moving.

"Never in my life, I killed somebody with this sword. Never, ever, nunca, nada." he took the sword from the body and cleaned the blood with his velvet cape. "Who wants to be the new advisor?" the king yelled.

Nobody replied, the palace was empty. All the people went home to bring sleds, but they would come back later and then the king would let them know how they should never, ever, never never, be bored.